Miley Cyrus did WHAT?!?!?!

Saw a video on the news of Miley Cyrus smoking out of a bong. Had a good laugh. I almost regret putting that as my title....honestly, I don't give a monkey's about that skankasaurus.

Anyway, 85 lbs down. Size 12, close to a 10. Still look in the mirror and see the old me for some reason. I occasionally have moments where I do something and I say, "Wow....couldn't do THAT before...."

Protein is still a problem, but apparently it is for all patients. Hair is doing much much better. Considering getting a boob job at some point. Don't necessarily NEED one, but I'd like one. I just wanna feel sexy and curvy.

I finished the semester swimmingly. Three As and a B. Best semester yet. I'm now back at home for break. Also back at work. I sell lotion to cranky old ladies. It has its moments, lol.

Have my (hopefully) last sleep study tomorrow night. I hope to Invisible Sky Daddy that I don't have to have that stupid CPAP machine anymore.....I haven't used it in a month and a half anyway...

Things are picking up....and I'm very hopeful. I want to graduate so badly.

I worked today so I'm exhausted and my feet are bitchin' at me so peace.

"I would believe only in a god who could dance."

-from Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche.

-A.M.H.

It'll be awhile.....

Now that I'm almost 80 pounds down, I have some updates for you all....

Feeling pretty much normal after my most recent surgery. A few twinges of pain from the incisions every now and again, but other than that, everythings back to the way it was.

My big sister visited a few weeks ago. She hasn't seen me since before I had the surgery. She was very encouraging and seemed very happy with my progress.

On the bad side of things.....

My hair is thinning significantly. I'm not going bald, but my hair is definitely not as thick as it used to be. This is due to the fact that I'm not getting enough protein. I need up to 80 grams a day, an when your stomach is small, like mine, its a nearly impossible task. The reason this is worrying to me is because when I was heavy, my hair was one of the only things about me physically that I really liked. And when it started to thin, it was difficult to deal with. I'm relying on the fact that my hair will come back when my weight loss slowly stops, which should be soon.

And now.....a history lesson.....

A few days ago, I began experiencing physical panic symptoms for the first time in almost four years. Back then, I would have panic attacks constantly and chronically, to the point where I could not sleep (they would wake me up). It got so bad that I literally wanted to die. I recieved the help I needed through a cognitive therapist and medicine. I was back to normal relatively quickly, but that time in my life will always scar me. So, as anyone would expect, even the slightest feeling of panic terrified me. I deduced the reason for this was because about a month after surgery, I decided to stop taking my medicine, seeing as I was losing the weight (which was a big part of my anxiety) and I hadn't had any problems in a long time. As such, I began taking the medicine again and I'm beginning to feel better. It shows me that losing weight did not and will not solve all my problems. Luckily I have the tools, a loving family and amazing doctors to help me through all the rough patches I will inevitably experience in my life. I thank God (or whoever it is) for this everyday.

I'm going to focus on exercising and, of course, my school work. Peace and love!

A.M.H.

Finally something bad happened...

I recently experienced my first major complication from surgery.

On Wednesday around noon, I began experiencing excruciating pain in my abdomen. Since the pain was in the site of a major surgery, I was extremely concerned for my health. I went to the ER at MCH where, after waiting for almost three hours, I was told I had "gastrointeritis". Albeit, the ER doctor did no major investigation of my pain; he simply poked my stomach a few times. I was given a disgusting drink that numbed my whole mouth and coated my stomach. The pain was somewhat reduced, but it did not disappear entirely. I was sent home.

The next morning, on my way to Tulsa for a follow-up with my surgeon, the pain came back only worse. Dr. Gorospe listened to me describe the pain and told me that I probably had an internal hernia, which is a relatively common complication of gastric bypass. I'll explain.

When Dr. G was sewing the incisions closed, he was sewing into fat tissue. Well, I've lost almost 70 pounds.....that fat tissue was disappearing. The sutures slowly opened. My small intestine became tangled in the sutures, causing me to vomit when I ate and caused me extreme pain.

I had surgery to fix the hernia on Tuesday of this past week. I also had some scar tissue removed, which could have added to the pain. Once again, MCH treated me amazingly.

I'm feeling quite sore and weak. I'm getting stronger everyday, but it'll be a little while before I'll be back to normal.

*~*~*~*~*

For our friends in California: PLEASE VOTE YES on PROP 19!!!!!!!

......insert title here.

It's been awhile....been busy with school. Down 60 lbs so far.

I finally starting to see the changes that everyone else is seeing. My cloths that used to be snug are not falling off. I never thought it would be just as frustrating to have clothes that don't fit because they're too big!

Nothing exciting happening. Peace!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Wow. Long time since I've posted. I've lost 44 pounds. I'm below 200 pounds for the first time since ninth grade. I can really see the changes now. I've also cut off some of my hair. Instead of being down to the middle of my back, it's now at my shoulders. I love it, especially in this heat. Well, I move into my new apartment on the 6th and I'm so ready for school to start!

Namaste!

Sorry, it's been awhile since I've last posted. Been really busy with my summer class and getting ready for my new apartment (my first-ever own place!). Thanks to my summer class and it's fabulous professor, I've fallen in love with India and its very diverse culture (hence the "Namaste"). Right now I'm getting ready to the fall semester and moving into my new place.

So far I've lost 33 pounds and I've gone down two sizes. I'm very happy with my results. But I must express....there is a dark side.

I've been suffering from what's called "post bariatric surgery depression". I have days where I regret doing the surgery in the first place. As many people do, I am an emotional eater. Stressed, happy, sad, mad...you name it. Being an emotional eater is now impossible. My stomach is now about the size of your thumb. It can only hold about three to five ounces at a time. I can't emotional binge eat. That's not where the issue itself arises. No, it is now having to deal with the fact that I can't eat for comfort and that I have to find something else to do. It's very challenging.

I had no idea the emotional aspect of this surgery would take such a toll. I'm doing better now. I'm back on my old meds and I have my family, my friends and school to take my mind of things.

P.S. - Indian food is the BEST. Saag paneer=epicness.

Thanks for all the kind works of encouragement. Bless you all.

A.M.H.

Picture time!

23 pounds down!

It's been a little while....

It's been a while since I've posted. My bad.

First of all, tomorrow will be officially two weeks since surgery. Doing great. I start on soft foods tomorrow. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. I'll actually have energy! No more beef broth! Tomorrow morning I'm having scrambled eggs. Yea....it really is that good.

The last two weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I was really.....sad sometimes. I would watch all those food shows and I would think, "Why the hell did I do this?" I would be in pain and I would regret everything. Today was the first day I actually felt....myself. I felt good today.

So far, I've lost 21 pounds. I can tell. My clothes are getting loose. The most telling thing is my face.

I'm excited for things to come.

Oh! And tomorrow I'll start posting pics from surgery day!

Got back from Muskogee Community Hospital around 2 p.m. Everything went very well. Dr. G said he wishes more of his patients were like me. I'm still quite sore...my abdominal area feels like I've done way too many crunches. However, I can get in and out of bed on my own now as well as go to the bathroom. Things are looking up!

Almost there.....

Wednesday was my pre-op with the hospital. I had blood drawn (I'm O positive!), I had yet another EKG, and a chest x-ray. Everything went swimmingly. Yesterday was my appointment with the gastroentrologist. They put me out so they could stick a camera down my throat to look at my tummy. Afterwards, to say the least, I was a little loopy. I rode the elevator down like a rollercoaster. Also, I slept about 14 hours yesterday. Dad drove me home. Then Mom drove me to Muskogee to meet with the pulmonologist. Today I met with Dr. G for my pre-op appoinment. It's always great to talk to him.

So after twelve doctors appointment, multiple needles and EKGs, and making people laugh on an elevator, it's only five days til surgery day. Tomorrow I start my clear liquid diet and on Wednesday around 6 a.m., I'll be in Muskogee Community Hospital, ready to go.

I've never been more ready for anything in my life.

UPDATE

My wrist is now a dark brown/purple and my whole arm hurts. This week is going to be a busy one. Plus I have to start my liquid diet on Saturday. The fam is taking me to Olive Garden. So excited!

Why is my wrist blue?

So today was by far the busiest day of my journey so far. First I had to get up around 6:30 this morning to drive to Muskogee again for my stress test with the cardiologist. All I did was walk on a treadmill for about ten minutes. They checked my blood pressure about every two minutes and I reached the heart rate I was expected to. Everything went well. The nurse told me I was one of the best patients they had seen in a long time; that made me feel great. Then I drove to Tulsa to see the pulmonologist. I had a bunch of extra time so I went home to see my kitties and take a short nap. I went over to Hillcrest and did a bunch of weird breathing test in the pulmonary lab. Then they took me downstairs to get my '"arterial blood gases" tested. Apparently that means they draw blood from an artery to test the oxygen levels. I assumed that I was just going to get blood drawn like at Dr. Wooster's (my family doc) so I wasn't worried. Then the nurse pulled out a huge needle and told me that it was really going to hurt. Then she pushed the needle into an artery on my wrist. It hurt sooooooo bad! I had to grit my teeth and clench my fists to keep from crying.....and I never cry at the doctor's (at least not since I was a kid)! Now my wrist is really sore and a sort of bluish purple color and it's getting worse. But it's all gonna be worth it!

The heart is an amazing thing.

Had my appointment with the cardiologist today. Went very well. Had an ultrasound of my heart....it sounds so WEIRD! Also had an EKG. Met with the doc. He said everything looked good and I need to schedule a stress test. So on Thursday morning, I'll have to walk on a treadmill for a while to see how my heart reacts. Getting closer and closer!

Still have to see the pulmonologist, and the gastro guy, then it's a pre-op at the hospital, and a pre-op with Dr. G. Then on the 26th, it's TIME!

My journey so far...

Let me catch you all up on my mission so far...


It all started at the beginning of this year. My mom had mentioned something about our insurance company covering a gastric banding surgery because of some 'comorbities' I had (PCOS, anxiety, etc.). She said we should go online to look for a surgeon a friend at work had told her about. The surgeon was having a seminar in Muskogee about the different surgeries he performs and we decided to go.

THE SEMINAR.........

Mom met me in Muskogee on a warm spring day in March at the new hospital there. I couldn't help but notice that I was one of the smallest and youngest potential patient. Then we met Dr. Luis Gorospe, one of the best bariatric surgeons in the world.

As Dr. G began to talk, I became more and more nervous. I started to panic and Mom could tell. I held onto her arm for most of the seminar.

After the seminar, we ate at Chili's and talked everything over. Mom almost cried and said she would sell a kidney for me to have the surgery. We decided to go ahead and make an intake appointment.

THE INTAKE APPOINTMENT.........

Mom went with me to my intake appointment. I had to fill out a booklet of information and the receptionist took my 'before' picture. We went to the patient room and after they took my pulse and blood pressure, Mom and I waited patiently for Dr. G.

He walked in with a big smile and introduced himself. He was so encouraging and helpful. He told me that women my age are his favorite patients because we still have our lives ahead of us. He told me that he wants me to be one of his models in his support group's "Spring Fling" fashion show where everyone dresses up in formal wear. I left beaming with excitement. A few days later, the receptionist at Dr. G's office called to schedule an appointment for my psych eval.

THE PYSCHOLOGIST.........

My psychologist, Dr. Nicholas, is a very sweet (almost sugary) lady. She told me everything I needed to know about the behavioral side of the surgery. She taught me some coping techniques for anxiety (which I already know from my experience with panic attacks). I have to back to see her twice after the surgery. Now it was time for the sleep studies.

THE SLEEP STUDIES.........

I showed up at the sleep therapy office where I met Tiffany, my amazing sleep tech. She made me laugh and gave me all the information I needed. She hooked me up with about 16 electrodes to my head, a few stickers on my chest, two stickers on each leg, straps across my chest, and a tube going into my nose. Surprisingly I slept soundly. The doctor found that I had minor sleep apnea so I had to have another sleep study. More electrodes and stickers, plus a CPAP machine. I didn't sleep much, but I sleep better than ever with the CPAP machine. A few weeks later, I recieved my own CPAP machine, and ever since I've been sleeping soundly and deeply.

_________________

And that's not the end of all the doctor's appointments. I still have several more to go. I'll keep everyone posted.

Plus I found a good song to psych myself up: "Bat Outta Hell" by Meatloaf.

A Background Check.

My name is Amy and I just turned 20. And I'm having gastric bypass surgery in 16 days.

I must note...this is not a surgery that I need to have. I want to have it. I want to know what it's like to be thin....to go shopping and want to try on clothes. To not worry about my health. To not be self-concious. To wear a bikini. It's something I've wanted for a long time. And finally, I'll be able to experience it, first hand.

I've always struggled with my weight. I've tried so many weight loss methods, none of which have worked in the long haul; sometimes it was my fault...sometimes it wasn't. I've also struggled with other health issues, like depression, anxiety, and PCOS, all of which are tied to my weight.

This journey is not going to be easy. In fact it's probably going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. Luckily, I have my parents, my sister, and my friends for support, as well as an amazing group of doctors by my side.

On May 26th, my life is going to change forever.

Welcome to my mission.